they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
MIDGETS
????
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
