we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
