Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That accounts for only three of the penises
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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