i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
