Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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