Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
