Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
