I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
