I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
