she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
