I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
