I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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