Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
