why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
