I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
