and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
