Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
