Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
