john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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