awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i think my cat just said my name.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
