why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
