I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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