It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He better not be in your backpack
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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