So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
