theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
as a side note pls kill me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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