if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I won the penis lottery.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So vagazzling was a success
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