DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize