So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
