Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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