You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
