Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
