He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
