So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
