i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Shame - the story of my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
