Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize