"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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