i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
