Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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