my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
