Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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