my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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