Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
