Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
that is very illegal...i love you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
