he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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