he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
