That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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