Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry about my life...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
