# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
