I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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