I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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