i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
