I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
