that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
