They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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