she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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