I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize