How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
