She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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