i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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