Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
