I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
