There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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