I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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