did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
