if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
