hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
