There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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