Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
